Caregivers do not always ask for help. Sometimes it takes another person in the family to take that first step.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Jim* said to the Alzheimer’s Association care consultant. He and his wife, Jeanne, moved her father into their home after he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease five years ago.
Her father has always been an easy-going guy. But lately, he has refused to put on his pajamas and go to sleep. Jim thinks his wife is overwhelmed with caregiving responsibilities, but refuses to accept that she might need help. He is concerned about her emotional state as she cares for her father and their three school-aged children.
“Jeanne is the oldest of five children,” Jim said. “She was always in charge, and I think she likes it that way. But this time, her stubborn refusal to get help is going to be the end of her. She is tired, depressed and cries all the time. What can I do to help her?”
Next steps
The care consultant found out that Jeanne’s brothers lived nearby, but that they do not know how difficult things have become because she hasn’t told them. Jim said his wife believes it is her job alone to take care of their dad.
The care consultant discussed several ways Jim could help his wife including arranging a family meeting so that they can tell her siblings what is really going on with their father. Such a meeting can help family members learn how important it is to share caregiving responsibilities and make decisions together.
“I feel so much better after talking to you,” Jim said. “ I’m going to do whatever it takes to get Jeanne to call your Helpline. Wait a minute, my wife just walked into the room. I told her I am talking to the Alzheimer’s Association. Do you think you could talk with her, too?”
The care consultant was more than happy to talk with Jeanne and thanked Jim for calling. Out of concern for his wife’s well-being, Jim reached out first, now making it possible for his wife to ask for the family’s help in caring for her father.
