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Alzheimer’s: lending a needed hand

Alzheimer’s: lending a needed hand
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August 17, 2021
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LuAnnMillieSmall.jpgLuAnn Gourley knows Alzheimer’s disease. Her beloved mother, Millie, succumbed to the disease in February of 2016. Since then, LuAnn has committed her time and energy to the Boulder Walk to End Alzheimer’s. Occasionally, she takes a break. Even then, her experience as an Alzheimer’s caregiver comes in handy. Here’s her story of a recent Alzheimer’s encounter.

Recently, my husband and I visited a casino in Blackhawk for a little fun. We "donated" about $15 to the slot machines and ate a nice lunch.  We were enjoying watching other people, sitting across from a foyer that led to some restrooms.

I saw an older man walk his wife to the women's restroom. He pointed her toward the entrance and said, "I can't go in with you." She took a couple steps and said, "I can't walk a mile," and came back out. Her husband looked exasperated and helpless. I hurried over and asked if I could accompany her into the restroom. Her husband was very grateful and told me she has dementia.

I put my hand on her back and said, "Let's go this way." She was very talkative and said, "You're so nice," and then, "I really have to go. I'm going a little in my pants each step." Poor thing! That restroom requires a left turn, a hallway, and a right turn to get to the stalls. I got her there and opened a stall door for her. She said, "I hope you're going to wait for me." I assured her I would and hoped for the best. 

In a couple minutes she emerged from the stall and asked where her husband was. I said he was waiting for her outside. She repeated the question and I told her I would help her find him. She had managed to zip and button her jeans but needed help with her blouse and a cord from her pocket that was stuck in her waistband. I coached her on how to wash her hands. She was thrilled with the touchless soap dispenser and then the water. I handed her some paper towels to dry her hands with and showed her where to throw them away. She said, "They think of everything." Then she again wanted to know where her husband was, so I said, "Let's go find him." Of course, he was waiting out in the foyer. Her face lit up when she saw him.

He thanked me again, seeming both embarrassed and sad.  He said she always liked driving to the mountains and the casinos, so he had brought her there only to have her tell him she wanted to go home. I told him my dad had experienced similar things while he was caring for my mom. I said, "You're doing a good job with her." I wished them both a nice rest of the day and walked back to my husband, Pat.

She saw Pat, whom she had never seen before, and trotted over to us. She said, "I think you want to talk to me," and gave Pat a big hug. She commented on how we're both lucky to have good guys. Then she looked at her husband and said, "Let's go home," and they left.

Her name is Arlene and she is 90 years old. She is beautiful and physically fit, and so very cute. She reminded me of my own mom, Millie. I don't think I'd be able to keep up with her on a walk...just like my mom. Arlene's ability to care for herself in even the smallest way is slipping away a little more each day. Her husband is watching her DIE bit by bit and piece by piece. He is grieving his loss of the wife he once had. He is giving everything he's got to care for her and keep up with the changes in her needs as the disease progresses. I hope that he doesn't become another of the statistics of a family caregiver passing away before the loved one with dementia does!

I know nothing of Arlene's and her husband's finances, but I do know that providing care for someone with Alzheimer's disease or another dementia is very costly. People often liquidate retirement funds and lose their houses while trying to keep up with the necessary care. Arlene seemed to be very sweet and cooperative but that's not always the case. Caring for and/or overseeing the care for someone with dementia can be extremely emotionally taxing. Family bonds are strained and sometimes broken because someone is living with Alzheimer's.

I was honored to be able to help this couple in a small way. I felt appreciated by Arlene and her husband and by another woman in the restroom who commented on how nice it was for me to help. That being said, there aren't enough people in the entire world to help those with dementia every time there is a need.

If you're reading this true story that happened recently (June 3, 2021) and are so moved, please make a donation...small, big, or in between. Every donation will provide support for those living with Alzheimer's or another dementia and their families. The gifts will help fund the research that is imperative to finding an effective treatment and a cure. Skip a Starbucks, empty a jar full of change, or just open your wallet. Alzheimer's is ALWAYS TERMINAL. Please help!

You can donate by finding the Miles for Millie page and/or my name on the Boulder Walk to End Alzheimer's website at alz.org/walk.

The Boulder Walk to End Alzheimer's which will take place on Saturday, Oct. 9, on the CU Boulder campus.
 

Alzheimer's Association

The Alzheimer's Association leads the way to end Alzheimer's and all other dementia — by accelerating global research, driving risk reduction and early detection, and maximizing quality care and support. Our vision is a world without Alzheimer's and all other dementia.™ For more information, visit www.alz.org or call the 24/7 Helpline at 800.272.3900.

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