It was Thanksgiving Day in 2023, and Penny Steckler’s family had gathered together in Jamestown to celebrate with a holiday meal. When Penny reached her mother-in-law Evelyn’s room, she found her anxiously scolding herself. She was saying, “I need to hurry.” “I am so bad.” “I am so sorry.” Penny spoke softly to calm her and with patience and understanding, and discovered that Evelyn had forgotten how to put on her pants.

Penny describes this as an ‘ah-ha’ moment and a blessing, allowing her to realize that something was different. It led the family to set up a doctor’s appointment to find out what was going on. After the assessment process, Evelyn (who Penny refers to as ‘mom’) was diagnosed with Frontal variant Alzheimer's disease (fvAD). 

Penny and her husband became the main caretakers within the family following the diagnosis, and helped communicate updates to keep everyone connected. 

She is a personal banking officer at a local bank in Jamestown, and said when they were told about the diagnosis, the doctor mentioned the Alzheimer’s Association but they didn’t reach right away. 

"You don’t always pay attention or know what to do,” Penny said. “But the nice thing about working in customer service in my job is meeting people.” 

Then, one day not long after they learned about their mom, a new customer came into the bank where Penny worked.  

"When I told him about my situation, the first words out of his mouth were ‘oh my gosh, you have to call the Association. They have been wonderful,’” Penny said. “He said, ‘they have everything you need, and are easy to work with. And oh, don't forget this name: Beth Olson.’”

That day was Penny’s stepping stone. She soon reached out to the Alzheimer’s Association and set up an appointment for a Care Consultation with Beth, a program manager at Alzheimer’s Association’s Minnesota-North Dakota Chapter.

North Dakota is unique because with a grant through the North Dakota Department of Health and Human Services, the Association is able to offer in-person care consultations free of charge to individuals and families. It is one of only a few states that has this in-person option available.

A professional from the Dementia Care Services Program meets with the family and discusses the resources available. They help the family learn about the disease, possible treatment options, and how to take care of the person living with dementia at home. They also discuss planning for the future around things like determining the right time to look at care facilities, how the disease progresses and can affect the family—especially the primary caregiver. The first meeting is only the beginning.

"Beth just sat down, and I told her my story. She listened, gave me some brochures and told me there was more information on the Alzheimer’s Association website,” Penny said. “But the biggest thing for me is she made me feel that I was not alone. Sometimes it can get so overwhelming, so it was nice to sit with someone and say ‘I’m lost. I’m scared.’ She put my mind at ease.”

When the time came to move Penny’s mom into a care facility, the Alzheimer’s Association helped walk her family through the steps and gave them recommendations on what questions to ask.  

"With Beth as a resource, she gave me the words and the tools to be able to go forward and be an adamant caregiver,” Penny said. “The disease is so heart wrenching. I think the caregiving role is so important.”

Penny’s mom eventually passed away in September 2024, and she and her husband continue to grieve her death. They also grieve the loss of being her caretaker. Penny said the Alzheimer’s Association is still there to help. She said she knows she could call Beth if she is having a down day and her touchstone would be there to listen. 

Currently, Penny is helping to get a memory café set up in the senior center.

"Having a resource like the Alzheimer’s Association and now having a memory cafe,” Penny said. “I am so excited. I have my 92-year-old father-in-law going for training.”

The journey was long and difficult. And the loss of caregiving isn’t totally gone for Penny. Now, she wants to make a difference for other individuals and families who may not know that support is available. She encourages them to take the leap and ask for help.