Changing roles

You may find yourself taking on a new role in your relationship as the person's memory declines. Acknowledge that you are both experiencing big changes and may need different kinds of support. If the person living with dementia can communicate, it is helpful to talk about their wants and goals. Their wishes can be formally documented, which can reassure them that their preferences will be honored and help you prepare for the future. 

The person living with dementia may need more assistance with household chores, personal care, driving and getting to appointments. Learn how creating a daily care plan can help you both. Also, they may not be able to do certain financial and legal tasks, such as balancing the checkbook and doing taxes. Making important decisions on your own can feel overwhelming.

Be prepared for these changes. Turn to family, friends, professionals or community resources for assistance. Locate financial and legal documents, such as life insurance policies, property deeds and retirement accounts, soon after your loved one is diagnosed. Use these financial and legal planning resources to get started.

When your spouse or partner is living with dementia

You may be feeling enormous grief over the changes in your relationship. You are not selfish for experiencing these feelings. While you and your partner previously operated as a team, you may find yourself taking on more responsibilities and decision-making. It’s helpful to find ways to have quality time together, even if that looks different than before.

Given your partner's cognitive decline, you may no longer be able to have the same emotional or physical intimacy that you once shared. It is typical that people with Alzheimer's disease experience changes in their sexual drive. Depression, physical illness and some medications can cause a reduced interest in sex. Dementia can also cause an increase in sexual interest and desire. Learn more about how to approach changes in sexuality and intimacy (PDF).

It's also common for caregivers to lose sexual desire because of the demands of caregiving, the transition from intimate partner to caregiver, and changes in their partner's personality due to the progression of dementia. Do not feel guilty if your attraction to your partner has changed. You can find new ways to connect with each other.

Caring for your partner comes with many new emotions and responsibilities. Help is available:

• Call our free 24/7 Helpline (800.272.3900). Our knowledgeable and caring staff can help you navigate a variety of situations, including care planning, managing stress and communication techniques.

• Search the Community Resource Finder to find community services, support groups and more.

• Take the free education program Managing Money: A Caregiver's Guide to Finances. 

• Hear from two caregivers talking about how they find support while caring for their spouses in this ALZ Talks video:

When your parent is living with dementia

It's normal to experience loss when someone close to you is living with Alzheimer's or another dementia. When that person is your mother, father, or another parent figure, it can be hard to accept changes in your relationship with them. 

You might go through a range of emotions, including guilt, abandonment, anger and many others. If you've stepped into a caregiving role for a parent, you may feel that the roles have been reversed or that you have new responsibilities you didn't ask for. If you care for both a parent and your child or children, you may be feeling squeezed as part of the sandwich generation.

Things that can help:  

• Acknowledge your feelings and know that you're not alone in how you feel. These are some common caregiver emotions (PDF).  
• Don't wait to get support. Call our free 24/7 Helpline (800.272.3900), day or night. Talk with a dementia expert for information, local resources, crisis assistance and emotional support.
• Search the Community Resource Finder to find community services, support groups and more.
• Take the free education program Managing Money: A Caregiver's Guide to Finances.  
• Help your parent get their legal documents in order, including a power of attorney, to plan for their future care and document their wishes. This can feel daunting, but it can help alleviate difficult decisions in the future. 

Maintaining relationships with family and friends

You may feel socially isolated because you have less time to spend with family and friends, or because they don't know how to respond to the person living with Alzheimer's. They might worry about not knowing what to do or say. Also, they may not understand the behavior changes caused by the disease. It's possible they can't even accept that the person has the disease.

Stigma and stereotypes about the disease can have a negative impact on the person living with dementia and their well-being. Relationships with family and friends may change, especially if people in their lives withdraw or don’t take their diagnosis seriously. It’s helpful to be open and direct and make an effort to stay connected.  

Take the initiative to contact family and friends and explain that, while Alzheimer's disease has changed your lives in some ways, you value their friendship and support. Consider inviting a few friends or family members over. Let them know in advance of any physical or emotional changes in the person living with dementia. Give suggestions about how to communicate with the person and what activities they might be able to do together.

There are many different types of care partner and caregiving relationships. Friends, siblings, and other family members may also provide care for someone living with dementia. 

These are some resources that can help friends and family maintain a relationship with the person living with dementia: 

• Understand the different stages of Alzheimer’s and possible new behaviors. 
• Learn how to communicate with someone living with Alzheimer’s during early, middle and late stages. 
• Get ideas for activities to enjoy with someone who has Alzheimer's or dementia. Family and friends of all ages can get involved.